擁抱失敗

上星期五，討論‘擁抱失敗’:
-When do you learn the ideas of success and failure?
-Good question!
-I have a very clear memory about learning what is good and what is bad. I was in the first grade, and it was the first big exam. I placed 7th in the class. And I have no idea whether it's good or bad.

-In the States, you'd’ve got praised.
-I thought it was good, so I went home and told my mom, and she said, it's not very good. And so I learned.
-You failed.
-I learned it was not very good, I should have done better. So now I had some ideas, about what is good and what is bad.
-And does it make you feel you fail to do something, or just make you feel you are bad?
-I think I still don't know what failure is, but I started to know what is not good enough.
-Social standards.
-I think we all have these kinds of experiences, but just don't really remember them.
-That was my clearest memory about my first year in elementary school.
-So, what did you do afterwards?
-I paid a lot of attention to grades. And, I also…but when I grew up, I didn't think it's a good thing, for me to pay that much attention to it.
-Didn't you tell me you gave up, like on ever doing anything well, in junior high?
-Yes. Starting from the first year in junior high, I just gave up. It's just never...
-I gave up the same year.

I wonder how many kids give up on ever being successful/happy in junior high?


-I think, when you do something wrong, you will not feel that there's no tomorrow, but if you fail to achieve something, that you really want to do, sometimes it will feel…
-There’s no tomorrow?
-...yes, and you feel nervous and unconfident
-You feel like an idiot, you can't do anything right, and you'll never improve.
-And feel that no one needs you anymore.
-It's not true, but you feel all these things.
-Just like, in the office, you must have some ability or some skills that others think you are, you got a lot of achievement.
-I think it's easier to correct what you did wrong, because it can be something small.
-Making people believe in you first is like an insurance policy. You know, I just thought of something, men throw their credentials on the table first, women don't. Then, when something happens, women are more likely to accept responsibility, and so then overall people are likely to think of the women as less capable.
-So! In order to safely fuck up in a group, you have to have their confidence first.
-I think you also have to have confidence with yourself, to safely fuck up in your own presence.


-I think, success and failure is not exact. Like, the managers in big companies, the social standards thinks they're very successful, but, why is that success? And there's a lot of things we don't know about that person. Also, in Taiwan, a lot of people pursue safe jobs. And is that success or failure?
[laughter]
-Hmm!
-Because according to the social standards, we have a lifetime job. But you’re not challenging yourself. And to me it's like life failure.
-Hmm, according to THAT standard, I'm a HUUUUUGE success. I like that standard, therefore!